


I Saw the Great Void In Your Soul

by daemun



Category: Adventure Time
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Identity Issues, Minor Violence, Three Buckets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26020465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daemun/pseuds/daemun
Summary: What if they really did just go home?An alternative ending to S9E14 "Three Buckets."
Relationships: Fern the Human & Finn the Human
Comments: 9
Kudos: 64





	I Saw the Great Void In Your Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Three Buckets is a fantastic episode. It fucks me up every time I watch it. Every time I see Fern go poof my heart shatters bc I love my grassy boy. So I thought what if I wrote an au fic where he doesn't go bzz bzz into a million pieces? And now we have this.

“What  _ are _ you?”

It was a question Fern often asked himself. A question that popped into his mind late at night when he couldn’t sleep on top of the tree house, left staring at the endless, vast deep blues and purples that painted the skies, freckled with white. A question that filled him with self-loathing and rage, anger aimed at himself and at Finn. A question now being directed at him from Finn - someone who shared an uncanny resemblance to him, or perhaps someone who Fern happened to look like. Someone who Fern maybe once was, but couldn’t possibly be anymore no matter how accurately he could disguise his grassy appearance to look like him or how much he told himself he could “make a great Finn.”

Fern knew this now, but he couldn’t stop himself from fighting Finn, who looked so conflicted and confused as he watched the grassy boy crouching in front of him like a cat ready to pounce on its prey. It felt as though there was a fog in his mind, a haze clouding his judgment, and perhaps the world looked a little more  _ green _ than it should. On its own, his mouth split into an unfamiliar sharp-toothed grin and his grass sword summoned itself from his own grassy vines, ready to strike.

His movements were slow and clumsy as he swung the sword at Finn. It was as though  _ something _ was controlling his body for him; his limbs felt sluggish and weak, and there was an unrelenting pressure in his head. A distant voice echoed that sounded like his own, but he couldn’t make out any words.

Finn easily blocked the hit with his metal robot arm, the fingers spinning rapidly like a  _ weed-whacker _ catching the grass blade for a brief second with a loud  _ clink _ . Their eyes briefly met before Finn quickly overpowered Fern and pushed him back with a grunt.

Fern’s body lunged forward again to slash at Finn, but his aim was just a little too low and he stumbled forward. Before he could regain his balance, he felt something heavy  _ drop _ onto the top of his head and with a jolt he realized it was Finn’s metal hand.

The finger-blades whirling around like a  _ weed-whacker _ easily sliced a deep groove in the top of his head, carving through his grassy sinews like they were nothing. Fern jerked his sword up to force Finn to back off, hissing. He was vaguely aware that he should have felt pain where his head was cut into, but there was  _ none _ . Just a strange nothing where something should be. Fern remembered pain, remembered the burning sting of cuts and the throbbing ache of bruises just as easily as he remembered what it was like to eat and  _ breathe _ . He knew that he should be in agony right now, yet he wasn’t. Was that a result of him having a body made of grass?  _ If I did something like that to Finn-  _

But he couldn’t seem to stop himself from attacking Finn. His body continued to act on its own, its movements grew sharper and more steady as he swung again and again; Finn was always ready to block and parry each strike. Without even thinking about it, he dropped and rolled to Finn’s blind spot, the gap in his defense, and sprang to his feet. He sliced downwards and Finn barely managed to dodge. The very tip of the sword grazed Finn’s exposed stomach, tiny beads of blood already welling up.

“My belzer!” Finn yelped, glancing down at the rather minuscule cut.

Fern inwardly winced, screaming at himself to stop. Instead, he seized that brief moment of distraction to strike again. Finn attempted to parry it, but was just a millisecond too late and Fern easily swatted his arm out of the way.

“No!” he shrieked as Fern leaped at him and tackled him to the ground.

Dirt flew into the air and chunks of grass were ripped from their roots as they scuffled and scrambled until Fern found himself on top, pinning Finn underneath him. 

They were at an impasse. They could both  _ kill each other _ . The realization brought a chill down Fern’s spine, but his body wasn’t responding to his orders to just  _ move! Get off him! Why can’t I  _ control _ myself?! _

Fern’s sword was barely inches from slitting into Finn’s throat. The only thing stopping that from happening was Finn’s tight grip on his wrist, shaking with the effort to keep himself alive and prevent Fern from killing him.

Finn’s  _ weed-whacker _ hand pressed into Fern’s stomach and he expected it to just mow right through him and kill him right then and there, but the fingers were jammed against the tightly woven vines, unable to move.

Finn’s eyes flashed with fear and his teeth clenched tightly as he seemed to realize the slight advantage Fern had. Fern realized it too in his hazy state, his eyes glancing down to where he could feel the hand pathetically twisting against his gut. Distantly, he heard someone laughing, only to recognize with horror that that mechanical sounding laughter was coming from  _ himself _ .

_ Glob, what is going on? What am I doing?! _

“Fern,” Finn’s voice came to his ears, desperate as he pleaded, “if things are going down the way I think they’re going down, please … tell Jake I love him.”

“That doesn’t matter,  _ I _ love him,” Fern heard himself retort.  _ No, it does matter! I know you do. _

“I know you do, Fern,” Finn echoed Fern’s thoughts, closing his eyes with a sigh. He sounded so despondent beneath him, as though he already accepted his fate that  _ I’m going to kill him, aren’t I? He can’t hold on forever. Sooner or later his arm’s gonna get tired and I’m gonna  _ kill _ him. I’m gonna - no! _

Fern jerked backwards with a gasp before Finn could even say anything else, falling on his side. The world slowly began to come into clearer focus, losing its greener tint as the haze clouding his mind seemed to dissipate to the back of his head. His fingers twitched and clawed the earth beneath him, scoring deep marks in the ground as he  _ finally _ felt like he could control his body again.

Finn had scrambled away as soon as Fern collapsed. Fern didn’t realize his eyes were closed until he opened them and looked up at the boy couching defensively a few feet away from him, his metal arm extended out in front of him in defense. His chest heaved with each intake of air and sweat trickled down his flushed face. The strands of hair that peeked out of his hat were plastered to his forehead. Blue eyes flashed with wariness and anticipation at whatever Fern’s next attack would be. But Fern retracted his sword, absorbing it back into his body and forced himself to sit upright on his knees. Finn blinked in surprise but continued to remain on guard, rightfully so.

Fern didn’t know what to say. What  _ could _ he really say? An “I’m sorry” to almost straight-up killing him?  _ I almost killed Finn… Glob, I almost killed him. I know I’ve been so … angry at him and wanted to kind of replace him, but I never wanted to  _ kill _ him. What came over me? Why wasn’t I able to stop myself? I know he could have weed-whacked me into pieces, but  _ I _ was the one who continued to attack him... _ He stared at his hands, clenching and unclenching his fists. Those were his own movements now. Not … whatever was happening earlier. What  _ was _ that?  _ Maybe deep down I wanted to kill him? Oh no... _

Fern was just fed up. He felt too much; he didn’t feel at all. His head was throbbing, but not from the deep groove where the  _ weed-whacker _ sliced into him. He wanted to scream, to run away and isolate himself in a barren cave and let his roots wither away. He never should have come into this cursed existence in the first place. He looked just like Finn. Had his memories, even. Knew everything about him, every dirty secret and embarrassing thought he had. But there was just something more to Fern than just being “Finn” but made of grass and he wanted to get rid of that feeling. He wanted to stop  _ messing everything up _ . Irritation flared up inside him and he ground his teeth loudly. He was just so  _ stupidstupidstupid- _

Lost in his thoughts, he wasn’t even aware that Finn hesitantly crept closer to him or that the buzzing from the  _ weed-whacker _ stopped until he felt the metal hand gingerly touch his shoulder. Alarmed, Fern flinched and leaped to his feet, baring his teeth as all his anger and self-hatred suddenly overflowed and he screeched, “Get away from me!”

Finn obediently backed away a few feet, his brows furrowed and his lips pulled down in a frown. But he looked determined as he rasped, “Fern,  _ what _ is going on with you? Why are you acting so - so crazy? If you calm down a bit we can talk it out and I can help you. Please.”

The grass boy shook his head madly, a spark of annoyance flashing up inside him among the guilt. Oh, of course. Of course Finn would still want to help him. That’s right, that’s because Finn was just so  _ kind _ and considerate and always tried to help others even if he got hurt. Unlike Fern. That’s where the roots of his hatred for Finn lied. They really were different and Fern felt like such a fool for even thinking he could replace him. “No, no, you don’t understand. You just don’t get it. You and Jake were right all along, from the very first moment we met. You guys- you guys had called me a demon and you were  _ right _ .” The words just spewed from his mouth and he couldn’t stop himself, even though there wasn’t that weird haze fogging his mind at that moment. He trembled where he stood, his hands shaking by his side. He felt the urge to cry, but he couldn’t even do that. His stupid grass body wouldn’t allow him to do that either, but for once he was bitterly grateful; he didn’t want Finn to see him cry pathetically. It was bad enough he was breaking down already and lashing out.

Finn’s expression morphed into one of sympathy as he shook his head and took a hesitant step forward. Fern narrowed his eyes but didn’t move away, despite his instincts screaming at him to do so.

“No, Fern. I - we - were wrong, We just didn’t know,” he trailed off, looking a tad uncomfortable and doubtful.

“But you must think so now,” Fern insisted. “I locked you away. I was going to replace you. How could you possibly think I’m not? I know you’re not  _ that _ naive.”

“Because you’re me,” came Finn’s quiet response.

Fern recoiled and shook his head, his face morphing into a scowl. “No, that’s the thing. I’m not you. Maybe I was kind of you up until a certain point, but now it’s really clear to me that I’m not you anymore. I have your memories, I know everything about you but I don’t know myself. I don’t even know what I am. But I must be some sort of demon because if I was  _ really _ you, why am I nothing like you? The similarities between us are only physical. You wouldn’t do half of the stuff I do. You wouldn’t mess up the way I do all the time.”

“That’s not completely true-” Finn tried, but Fern interrupted him with a snarl.

“You wouldn’t try to kill me out of jealousy, Finn.” He spat his name. “Glob! Why can’t I do anything right?” His jaw snapped shut with a click and he reached up to pull at the nubs atop his hat, attempting to tear them out in a violent fit against himself to release his irritation. 

Finn jolted forward with a, “hey!” and he closed the gap between them, grabbing Fern’s wrists and prying them away before he could tear out the clumps of grass. Fern slapped his hands away, bristling and pulled his lips back in a sneer.

“You have no idea what it’s like being me, but I know exactly what it’s like being you. You talk to me like you know me, but I don’t even know me. It’s not fair! Nothing ever is for me.” He knows he’s not even giving Finn a chance to speak but he continues regardless. “I hate you, Finn. You want to say that I’m you, but you never treated me as an equal. Jake obviously feels uncomfortable around me, and everyone I’m supposed to know just treats me like I’m a stranger even though I’m supposed to know them. Everything is so confusing,” he choked out the last part.

The human stared at him with wide eyes, the blue depths flashing with remorse and surprise.  _ Understandable _ , Fern idly thought.  _ I just admitted I hate him. Bet he never saw that one coming. _ Finn’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he surprised Fern and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

A flicker of confusion wormed its way into Fern’s conflicted emotions, his brow raising. “You’re sorry? For what? I’m the one who should be saying sorry. I attacked you and almost  _ killed _ you,” he snapped.  _ And even now I’m still arguing with you. _

“I can’t really say what you did was right in the first place,” he said slowly, as if he was thinking over what to say. “But I think … I could have killed you too. And I don’t think I could ever live with myself if I did. I don’t think you could either.”

The flames of fury and hatred burning in his roots slowly began to die down, incrementally growing smaller as he began to finally understand. Fern flinched and turned his gaze to the ground, curling his toes in the dirt.

He knew if he didn’t stop himself from killing Finn he would instantly regret it, never able to forgive himself. It would have been another thing to add to his already long list of dinks - right of the top for being the biggest dink of all. He wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt. 

And vice versa, he had a gut instinct that if Finn had, well,  _ weed-whacked _ him, he would be completely traumatized. Another thing to add to the endless list of morbid things he experienced in his sixteen, almost seventeen years of living.

His mouth suddenly felt unbearably dry as he rasped, “No. You’re right.”

Finn nodded, as if that’s what he expected Fern to say.

“I’m just-” Fern started, then shook his head. “Being ‘me’ hasn’t worked before. Doing things my way only hurts people no matter how much I wanna help. I thought maybe if I was you people might actually treat me normally for once and I could start doing things right. But look at where that got me. This all happened because I’m so wrapped up in my own pathetic self-pity. I just wanted to win at something. I just wanted to be seen as a good person. But I guess a good person wouldn’t have done what I did,” he finished, sinking to his knees as he felt all his energy drain out of him.

He didn’t bother looking at Finn’s face to gauge his reaction, knowing that everything he just said still didn’t excuse his actions. He almost regretted admitting everything that ate at him for months to Finn. There was no way he could ever forgive him for that, but it wasn’t like Fern was really looking to be forgiven. He just wanted to disappear. Guilt and regret wove their way in his chest, strangling him with their thick vines; if he could breathe, he would probably feel like he was choking. Truthfully, Fern never wanted any of this to happen. He never even wanted to hate Finn in the first place; he just happened to let his envy and own self-loathing manifest itself into that, and then the hatred just continued to build up until it led to  _ this _ .

He heard rustling to his right and glanced over to see Finn had mirrored him, sitting on his knees. He was closer than Fern would have liked, but he didn’t bother getting up even though something at the back of his mind nagged that he should. He ignored it as Finn began to speak.

“I think I get it now. I mean, it wasn’t right, but I think I understand why now. You just have all this stuff going on in your head and I- I ignored that. I ignored a lot of things about you. I’m sorry, man,” he confessed. “I’m sorry I never thought of you or your feelings or asked if you were okay. I mean, I noticed something was off during that whole deal with Sweet P and the Lich, but I didn’t even bother to ask if you were okay.” 

_ So he knew but just wasn’t bothered enough to care.  _ He clicked his tongue. Knowing that triggered some embers of anger to start heating up again, but his own guilt kept them from growing into flames. He didn’t want a repeat of their fight, didn’t want to have that weird out of control feeling again. So he merely swallowed and let Finn continue talking, finding himself interested in whatever he had to say.

The human sighed. “Fern, I’m really sorry for everything. I was such a wad to you. If anything, I’m the one who donked up. You have every right to hate me as much as you do. I think - I think deep down, I was afraid you would be better than me.”

That was news to Fern. Out of everything Finn just said, that shocked him the most.  _ Me? Better than Finn? He should know that I’ll never be even as good as him. Everything I’ve done up to now is proof _ , the bitter thought came, but he bit his tongue and shoved it away.

“Really? Why though?” he asked instead, purposefully ignoring Finn’s acknowledgement and acceptance of Fern’s hatred towards him.

Finn didn’t answer right away which made Fern tilt his head to look at him. He looked like a complete mess, he noted. Some strands of his long blond hair stuck out from his hat, plastered to his forehead from sweat. His shirt was still rolled up in a rather ridiculous manner, if he was being honest, but he wasn’t about to voice that opinion.

Despite how exhausted he looked, his voice was light as he responded, “Well for starters, you have this awesome grass bod that can do amazing things. Like Jake’s stretchy powers, or how you were able to disguise yourself to look and sound exactly like me. That, and …” He trailed off, his robot hand reaching up to tap against his chin. “And since you’re kind of me, you could do what Jake and I do but all by yourself. Like a one man show, I guess.”

In a way that made sense, he supposed, but hearing Finn’s reasoning only made Fern grimace. The biggest issue with it however was Fern himself; he knew that. He knew that all along, ever since that first “adventure” he had with Jake; the path of destruction left in his wake as he plowed through the labyrinth of the Grassy Wizard’s fortress and how he beat the old wizard enough to have him hospitalized. Fern was destructive. His way of doing things always involved people getting hurt, even if he didn’t mean it. That was why he tried to take over Finn’s life and become him, at least for a little while. But he could never be half of the person Finn was. He didn’t seem to mess up all the time the way Fern did. His heart wasn’t corrupt the way Fern’s was, rotting with jealousy and resentment. Fern could never have that “hero heart” he had. In the end, Finn would always be better than him.

“I could never be better than you though,” Fern voiced out loud, picking at some bits of grass that stuck straight up out of his arm and trying to smooth them down. “I could never even be you. It was stupid for me to think I could try. Even though I have all of your memories, I’m someone else. I know I’ve realized this before but I never let it sink in until now.” A dry laugh escaped between his lips. “I was just so sick of being compared to you but not being able to live up to your name. Constantly letting everyone down. I failed to protect Ooo while you were gone. Must have really let you down there, huh. Glob, if you were there you would have stopped that whole mess from happening in the first place.”

Finn was chewing his bottom lip while Fern spoke but stopped to shake his head in disagreement. “I think it still would have happened even if I was here. I just happened to be lucky I wasn’t so I was able to at least try to reverse it. But in the end, I didn’t even do anything. It was all LSP.”

Fern scoffed; Finn did have a valid point, once again.

“But my whole point with this is that your heart is in the right place. I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You gotta learn to not dwell on every mistake you make. Learn from them and move on,” he waved his hand as he spoke. “And besides, you say you have my memories, right?”

Fern nodded.

“Right. There are countless mistakes I’ve made. You know all of them. There are so many things I wish I did differently or didn’t do at all. But I’ve learnt from them and tried to become better.” He paused and his voice dropped to a gentle murmur, saying in a tone that reminded Fern of his (their) mom, ”Fern, you’re never going to be perfect. I’m never going to be perfect. No one is. And if you’re so worried about being a bad person, you’re not. A bad person wouldn’t care about how they’ve hurt others or try to fix it. But you care. The fact that you’re sitting here with me is proof enough. That, in my book, makes you a good dude. You’re your own you, and you’re good.”

A tremor shook through Fern’s entire body. Being told he was a “good person” by someone he almost killed didn’t sit right with him. That had to be a lie. But … Finn wasn’t a liar. Naive, yes.

“Listen Fern. Whether or not you’re me, or if you still hate me, I just want you to know I got your back. I’m not great at advice or anything like Jake is, but I want to help you. Will you let me?” Fern’s resolve crumbled at the sincerity in Finn’s voice. Even after everything Fern did to him, Finn continued to show mercy and empathy. It sent a sharp pang of regret through his heart. He swallowed, even though he couldn’t actually swallow anything.

Everything that had to do with Finn made Fern feel so  _ conflicted _ . He never actually did anything that warranted being hated. He just happened to indirectly be the source of many of his problems, but that wasn’t entirely his fault. Yes, Finn admitted to often disregarding him and not seeing him as his equal, but he seemed determined to try to understand Fern now. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try to get along with him. At least to try to make atonement for his mistakes, to show he was sorry beyond just saying it. And in all honesty, they both had issues they needed to work out together.

“Yeah. Okay.” He slowly nodded his head. “I think it would do us both good actually.”

The corners of Finn’s mouth pulled upward in a bittersweet smile. “Yeah, it would.” Brushing the dirt and dust off himself, he rose to his feet and held out his human hand for Fern to take. “You ready to head home?”

Fern blinked. Was he? Yes, he quickly reached that conclusion. He was ready to just go home with Finn and immediately pass out on the rooftop for the next twelve hours. In all seriousness though, he was ready to make things better between them. To start things over on a better foot than last time.

He grasped his hand and allowed Finn to help pull him up to his feet. Though Fern’s long-held feelings of resentment and self-hatred still remained, they dwindled down to a small, manageable fire; a huge contrast to the blazing reign of chaos and destruction they once were. It wasn’t as though they would suddenly disappear in a snap. It would take time for new feelings to grow in their place.

Fern didn’t notice how dark it had gotten by the time they actually began walking home side by side. The moon had risen, casting silver light over the grasslands.  _ How did I miss that? Were we really out that long? _ He wondered, turning his gaze to the stars flickering overhead in the near black sky.  _ It really didn’t feel like it. Jake’s probably wondering where we are. Will Finn tell him what happened? I sure won’t. _

Speaking of, his eyes flicked over to the boy walking beside him. His face was no longer dripping with sweat, but his hair started to frizz where it was once glued to his face. His eyelids drooped with weariness, and Fern almost scoffed at the fact his shirt was still rolled up in that absurd manner, exposing his stomach. It irked him.

Finn must have sensed Fern practically staring at him. He glanced at the grassy boy and raised an eyebrow. Fern opened his mouth to tell Finn to roll down his shirt but realized something instead.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t say it before because I thought it was implied, but I thought you should know anyways. So, uh, I’m sorry,” he stammered. 

Finn blinked.  _ Should I not have said anything? _

Before Fern could retract what he said, Finn’s mouth stretched into a small smile. “I know,” he simply said. He didn’t say he forgave Fern, but that was okay. With time they would both forgive each other. For now, the apologies were there and acknowledged and they fell into a comfortable silence as they continued to walk.

This mutual understanding and acceptance they now shared felt like a cool rain inside Fern after scorching flames burnt and dried up his roots. Even if they weren’t quite friends, it was still the best outcome that could come from this.

“Hey Finn?” Fern spoke up after about ten minutes.

“Yeah?”

“Roll down your shirt. You look ridiculous and it’s been bothering me this whole time.”

Finn squawked indignantly. “I was hot, okay?!” He grumbled, but rolled it down anyways.

Fern barked out a laugh, surprised at how easily and genuinely it came, and lightly punched Finn in the shoulder. He received one in return, a bit more aggressively, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

**Author's Note:**

> Shit ending? Shit ending.
> 
> I'm not a very good writer but hope you enjoyed anyways. :')
> 
> A special thank you to my best friend Ash, whose endless love and support encouraged me to actually finish this. Wrote this for you b. <3


End file.
